Our daughter, Alice, was 18 months old when my husband and I took her to visit friends who have a child the same age. When they were playing, both girls reached for the same toy phone; that was no surprise. Neither was the tearful outburst that erupted when Alice snatched it. But what happened next was unexpected: Hearing her playmate’s cries, Alice held the phone out to her and blew kisses with the other hand. Turns out, my daughter felt more empathy than I’d realized.
We often associate the toddler years with willful assertions of “me!” and “mine!” But underneath is a budding recognition that other people have feelings too. In fact, between the ages of 1 and 2 is a great time to nurture caring. “Adults should do everything possible to help toddlers learn to be empathetic,” says Carol Anne Wien, Ph.D., an early-childhood expert and professor at York University, in Toronto. “It’s the basis of relationships.” Fortunately, there are plenty of simple but powerful ways to encourage your child.

Talk about it
Even the chattiest toddlers might not have the words for some of the big emotions they encounter. That’s one reason Grace Resurreccion, a mom
in Anaheim, California, regularly brings up feelings in conversations with her 2-year-old son, Victor. For example, when his baby brother cries, she asks Victor why.
“Victor might say, ‘ouch’ or ‘fall,’ and then he’ll go pat his brother on the back,” she says. Other times, she offers more guidance. “Do you think your brother is sad because you took his toy?” These exchanges reinforce Victor’s growing awareness of others’ feelings and teach him the vocabulary he needs to talk about them.
Toddlers adore the spotlight, so feel free to make your child the center of his own lesson, Dr. Wien suggests. Pull out a photo album and point to pictures of him looking thrilled, calm, or cranky; then label the feeling and talk about where it might have come from. You might say, “You were so excited when everyone sang ‘Happy Birthday.’ ” Better yet, show or describe instances in which he has been kind or helpful to others. “Toddlers love to look back at little things they’ve said or done,” Dr. Wien explains. “Telling these stories is one way parents can make children aware of how their actions affect people.”

Set an example
Watching you with others is among the most powerful ways your 1- or 2-year-old develops empathy, says Deborah Best, Ph.D., a psychologist
at Wake Forest University, in Winston-Salem, North Carolina.
So use the opportunities daily life provides to show sensitivity yourself: Ask your partner how the day
went, congratulate a happy friend,
or rush to help a child who has fallen on the playground. “When you model the behaviors, you show your toddler how to do it too,” says Dr. Best. “Kids this age love imitating.”
Chances are, your child is already following your example. Have you ever noticed her using a high-pitched, singsong tone—what experts call “motherese”—when attempting to comfort another child? “When your toddler sees you consoling someone, she picks up on your tone of voice and your body language,” says Dr. Wien. “The next time that happens, she’ll try to assist in the same way.”

Provide practice
If you think about it, toddlerhood may be the first time in your child’s life that his desires and yours are not always in sync. When he was a baby, if he wanted to eat, you wanted to feed him. Now, if he wants to eat—but only a big bowl of ice cream—you might not want him to have it. “He’s thinking ‘I don’t get this. What’s going on here?’ ” says Alison Gopnik, Ph.D., author of The Philosophical Baby: What Children’s Minds Tell Us About Truth, Love, and the Meaning of Life. Expand on his realization that others’ feelings may be different from his own by encouraging interaction with many kinds of people. “It will naturally teach him that people think and feel differently—starting with basic things, like, ‘My mom likes broccoli, but my babysitter doesn’t,’ ”
Dr. Gopnik explains.
As your toddler gets older, you can also begin introducing him to more hands-on ways of recognizing and meeting others’ needs.  For example, enlisting him to help care for a family pet—by pouring its food into a bowl or brushing its fur—will give him a daily opportunity to think beyond himself. And whenever you can, help your toddler help someone else. If you notice a child crying at playgroup, for example, point out that something is wrong and say, “Let’s give her a toy.” Maybe the gesture will soothe the other child; maybe it won’t. Either way, your toddler will have gotten valuable practice at responding to another person’s feelings.

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