Ease First-Day Jitters

The Cry
“I don’t want to be away from
you for so long!”
Your Cure Start by acknowledging your child’s concern at drop-off time. You might try saying, “I know you’re scared to be without me,” and then explain when you’ll be back by telling him after which activity, such as music or science class, he will ee you. (The teacher can let you know what the end-of-day schedule will be.) “This is much easier for a kid to understand than a time of day,” says Barbara Micucci, a school counselor at Caley Elementary School, in King of Prussia, Pennsylvania. If he still
has a teary goodbye, refrain from mentioning it later. (Don’t say, “Did you cry for a long time after Mommy left?” for instance.) Instead, keep things positive by asking him to tell you about one fun thing he did that day. Even if his tears were on your mind
all afternoon, he probably forgot them
hours and hours ago.

The Cry
“I’m too scared to ride the bus
all by myself!”
Your Cure That giant yellow bus can make any kid tremble, and it’s easy to see why: Chances are your child has never set foot in a vehicle larger than an SUV. Tell her that you’ll introduce her to the driver and that he’ll make sure everyone on the bus stays safe. You might suggest that she sit near the front—she may feel more relaxed being close to an adult. Also, check with the school to see whether it offers a practice bus ride before the first day so your child can see that it’s not so scary. If not, you might want to sub a quick public bus trip, suggests Liz Blek, past president of the National Kindergarten Alliance.
Help her practice saying hello to the driver, finding a seat, and getting off at a stop. Be sure to discuss how the school bus will be similar and how it will be different. It may also help to pair her with an older kid in the neighborhood, says Blek—especially when it comes to dismissal time, since kids are often anxious about finding the right bus after school.

The Cry
“That building is so big. I’m afraid
I’ll get lost!”
Your Cure Most schools have an orientation; if yours doesn’t, call and ask whether you can visit the school a few weeks before your child’s first day. Check out some fun areas like the gym and the art room to make the building seem less overwhelming, and practice walking the common routes your child will be using. “Role-play together and talk through what to do if he gets lost. Remind him that he’s not alone and he can always ask a teacher or another student for directions,” says Robin Goodman, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist in New York City. Also point out that he’ll never have to be alone because he’ll go everywhere
with a teacher or a buddy.

The Cry
“Who will I play with?”
Your Cure If you know that a neighbor’s or friend’s child will be in the same class, invite the family over for a little celebration sometime before the first day, and remind the kids they’ll be together. Otherwise,
ask the school for a list of your child’s new classmates—or buttonhole a mom during orientation—and arrange a playdate or two during the weeks right before school begins. “It’s a huge relief for a kid to see a familiar face on the first day,” explains Sharon Landesman Ramey, Ph.D., a distinguished research scholar of human development at Virginia Tech Carilion Research Institute, in Roanoke. Also, assure your child that her classmates are just as
nervous about making friends as she is and offer a few suggestions, such as: “Wouldn’t it be fun if you asked a classmate to kick a ball with you tomorrow at recess?”

The Cry
“What if the teacher is scary or
acts really mean?”
Your Cure First, “explain to your child that the teacher is there to help him learn,” says Sonna Schupak, a kindergarten and first-grade teacher at the Early Childhood Center of Sarah Lawrence College, in Bronxville, New York. Remind him that many of his teacher’s classroom rules—no interrupting, no back talk, no hitting, no yelling—are the same ones he already follows at home. Then, make sure you meet his teacher when you visit the school, Schupak suggests. If your little one is game, snap a photo of the two of them with your camera and hang the printout on the fridge at home. It will make the teacher seem less intimidating on the first day.

The Cry
“What if I can’t open my thermos at
lunchtime or I drop my tray?”
Your Cure If your child is taking her own lunch, use easy-to-open containers that she’s practiced with beforehand. Your child’s fine motor skills are still developing, so opening plastic containers or sandwich bags can easily turn into a frustrating battle. Tuck plenty of napkins and an occasional note or surprise like stickers into her lunch box. To familiarize your kid with cafeteria-style settings, you could eat at a few similar-type restaurants over the summer. Show her how it works: You take a tray, silverware, and food as you make your way down the line. Or have a few “practice” school lunches at home. You’ll learn what she can’t open easily and have time to rethink your packing technique and supplies.

The Cry
“I’m not used to using a big bathroom! What if the stall door won’t lock or I have an accident?”
Your Cure Remind your child that
he’s not on his own: His teacher will schedule bathroom breaks, and if he’s unsure about something, he can ask for help. He should also know that he can ask to go anytime. Young children still don’t have total control of their bladder, so emergencies do happen. “At age 5, 15 percent of kids are still at risk of having daytime wetting accidents,” says Chris Cooper, M.D., vice chair of the departmen of urology at the University of Iowa Hospital and Clinics in Iowa City. Often, kids get so wrapped up in their activities that they don’t realize how badly they need to go until it’s simply too late. Remind him to always stop by the bathroom after lunch or recess (most accidents occur between 2 and 5 p.m.) and help him out by opting for easy-off clothing like elastic-waist pants, at least for the first few days. Try not to make a fuss if he has an accident: It happens to lots of kids.
Your child will keep a change of clothes
in his cubby for this very reason.

The Cry
“I’ve heard there’s lots of work in school. Will I have any fun?”
Your Cure The teacher can tell you exactly how much time your child will spend each day on subjects like reading and math, as well as on less-structured activities such as P.E. and free play. Reassure your child that she’ll get to do all those things by talking her through her schedule. “She probably won’t have a good concept of how long 30 minutes is, so compare it with something she already knows, like one episode of SpongeBob,” says Mark L. Goldstein, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist in Highland Park, Illinois. Frame the schedule in a positive way by saying, “You’ll get to have a nice long art class, and you’ll still have some time to go to the library,” he suggests. And don’t forget to point out all the fun things your child will still have time for after school, like playing with neighbors or reading a book with Dad before bed. Additional reporting by Jim Franco and Jeannette Moninger